The day is here.
At 9:12am I turn 29 years old. The last year in my 20’s.
A small part of me thinks, “Whoa – where did the time go?” When I reflect on who I was at 20 to who I have become now, I’m almost not the same person (At a cellular level I am in fact not). It truly seems like a lifetime ago.
My ideals, career and ambitions have changed and so has much of my social circle. It’s easy to think that those around us at any moment in time may be close to us indefinitely but that is obviously not so and that’s totally fine. Friends, acquaintances, and lovers come and go – some we dance with for a song, others for the whole night. I’ve said it before, and this is why I’ve found it important to be present with those we give our time. We never know what may come of this relationship and connection – it may be gone tomorrow, next week, or a few months from now. Share, learn, and love. We are not meant for one another for eternity.
While I don’t necessarily believe that our age is all that important in terms of milestones and celebrations, I do think that the significance of our birth date offers us a wonderful opportunity for reflection. Not just on the past year, but everything leading up to this moment and our intentions from here on out.
These three questions have really stood out to me this year in alignment with who I am and who I want to be:
What is the impact I’m having on the world? What am I contributing to this world? Anything at all? Or am I just coasting by, sucking all of the resources I can?
The impact of my actions is something that has been coming to fruition through hard work and a daily effort. I don’t currently aim to be the go-to guy for any one thing in particular because I don’t have all the answers. What I do have is a unique, diverse set of skills (Liam Niesen) from a unique, diverse history of experiences. If what I learned can enrich someone else’s life, get them out of a funk or empower them in the most minuscule way, then I will feel accomplished. We’re all in this together.
My goal is to make a difference and eventually leave a legacy. I don’t strive to be famous or any of that jazz, but I aim to help as many people near and far as I truly can.
Have I helped or lessened the suffering of others?
Right now, I’m at a job that I love and am able to assist others in moving and feeling better. I am able to do this by empowering them through foundational movement and reacquainting themselves with their bodies. In doing so, they share a vulnerable side of themselves which creates a opportunity for deep connection and enrichment.
Outside of my professional career, I’m surrounded by some truly amazing people, and the circle grows ever-bigger. I like to think I can offer a rich, unique perspective. I don’t have answers for people, rather some important questions they can ask themselves to change how they might view certain problems or scenarios. In turn, I do my best to learn from everyone I meet. Its a never-ending cycle.
How deeply did I love?
Without getting into the fine details, this year has been heavy on the heart. Both with family and romantic relationships.
At no point in time have I believed that I was half-assing the love I give to those close to me. It’s only after the fall or some turmoil that you truly understand where you may have fallen short or not been 100%. These are things you learn – from failures, mistakes, and getting hurt. They suck – but they are enriching.
I’ve learned so much about how to love and how to accept love during the past 12 months. These lessons haven’t been solely from what has happened in this time, but in making connections and recognizing patterns from past relationships as well.
One of the biggest lessons was one of vulnerability – to stop hiding from myself and hiding from others. To get out of my own head and put my feelings on the table. To physically and emotionally open up to someone else, without guards or barriers.
Even though I’ve come to some realizations about who I am at this moment, from both nature and nurture, these realizations are not set in stone. They are ever evolving. I have developed a set of lenses in which to view life from that have given me the ability to look not only within myself but at my relationships with others as well.
This past year has had ups and downs, as life does. In that I’ve learned a helluva lot about myself, my place in the world as well as the impact I’m making in the lives of those near and far.
It’s been a conglomeration of reading, writing, moving, talking, eating, loving, hurting, healing, forgiving and forgetting. So it will continue.
I like to think I’m making a difference. Not as big as I plan to make but I’m on the right track.
How do I feel at this exact moment? I don’t feel old, and I don’t feel young. However, I do feel like I’m just getting started. I feel grateful for everything that’s happened to me thus far, and grateful for the ambiguity and unknown that awaits me when I walk away from this keyboard. I’m equally grateful for every laugh and every tear I’ve had leading up to this breath. None have been in haste and nothing has gone to waste.
Here’s to the next moment(s) that await. Thanks for being with me.